Trauma in REM

Last Saturday the 24th of October, after working the closing shift at work, it was nearly 9:45 pm when I walked in the door to my homestead, and carry my belongings (purse full of cheep one dollar lipstick, a wallet without any money, a cell phone with no calls or text messages inviting me to come play on a Saturday night, a used-multiple times- tooth flosser, and Listerine strips) downstairs. Seconds later I hear my sister Kalli walk in the door, with her friend Kyle. I was still dressed in my work clothes, looking fly, so I decided to run upstairs to say hello. Yeah, I didn't walk, or jog up the stairs, I ran. That's desperation for attention on a Saturday night right there.

I visit with Kalli and Kyle for a bit in the kitchen. They're going downstairs, my mom is in the front room sitting in the rocking chair and calls for me to come chat with her. I'm cold so I grab this nice fleece robe and put it on over my dress clothes, then go and sprawl out on the couch. Trying to get cozy, I unbutton my pants, unzip my zipper, (don't act like ya'll don't do it too) kick off my clogs and just let loose.



My mom was working on this project she's been doing for a while, on my laptop. I think she wanted to read it to me, but in a matter of minutes, I was zonked out. I swear (only sometimes, and on accident, or when scared...uh, right word, wrong meaning..back on track now.)- I can sleep anywhere, on anything, and stay that way all night. Not only that, I sleep in really awkward positions. I have since I was a wee lit'l lass. Some things never change..
We all have our favorite sleeping positions. Mine is simply that I have to sleep with my hands covered. No matter where that entails.
Except that, covering hands while sleeping does encounter some problems, unless you gain the proper method..
When I sleep with them under my head, they fall asleep and go numb, due to the lack of blood in the vessels. I only like when my brain falls asleep, not my hands. It tickles when all that numbness leaves, and the blood begins to recirculate in my veins. Not the "haha I'm laughing cause somebody is tickling me". It's the, "I wanna cry cause I'm tickling myself and I wish I could stop". But you can't stop yourself. So first, I wake up in the middle of the night panicking from the lack of feeling in my fingers, thinking some thief came and chopped off my hands, due to the numbness. Then I end up yelling at myself, telling me not to tickle me. "Dangit Bobbi, quit tickling Bobbi!"


If I put them between my thighs, they again fall asleep, and my wrists hurt in the morning.


Between my face/ pillow=drooly hands

In armpits=claustrophobia slash stinky slash sweaty hands


So, I've found the perfect place to keep them, is in my pajama pants :)

Just take it easy ok? It's the perfect place. Not to tight, drooly, claustrophobic, and my hands don't fall asleep. It's not like I put them in my undies!


Anyway. I'm sprawled out on the couch. One leg on the cushions, one half hanging off. My pants are unbuttoned, and unzipped for the whole world to see. I have an ugly robe on over my fully dressed self, AND, my hands are...you guessed it. In my pants.
Like I said before, in just a matter of minutes I'm zonked out. And probably have my mouth hanging wide open, drooling all over the place. Yeah, not attractive. (refer to pictures above). So here I am, all tuckered out, in lala dream land. That is until I hear some ruffling about at 2:00 a.m.


I start to stir in my sleep, I hear faint laughter, and I'm not sure if I'm dreaming?? I like laughter, and my mouth begins to form a half smile, but I'm only half conscious. The laughter doesn't stop. and by now I know I'm not asleep... I open one eye to see Kalli hunched over, laughin her butt off. Kyle awkwardly glances away from me, and musters out, "Good morning beautiful." My mom is still in the chair, plugging her nose, as if it were helping suppress her laughter. I still don't know what's going on, so I don't move, I just lay there grinning like an idiot, wondering why everyone is laughing, unaware that my hands are chilling down my unzipped pants.


I was so incoherent so I just fell back asleep, Michael Jackson style (crotch grabbing dance move). Eventually, Kyle left.


The next day Kalli asks me if I always sleep with my hands down my pants.

My mouth drops open as I recall the confusion I felt the night before.

Oh the Trauma in REM. That just did me in. It happened. It's going down in Bob history as A -Really Embarrassing Moment-while in Rapid Eye Movement... Gosh. I'm such a creeper! Who sleeps with their hands down their pants??? Please tell me I'm not the only one.